09/06: Thinking Out Loud !
Category: September Sky BLOG
Posted by: raymond
So, another day goes by and I realize just how wonderful life can be. I've begun to realize how truly blessed I am and am continuing to be. It is a funny thing, life I mean, somedays you take it for granted and then other days, well...you realize that the little things are more important than some of the big things...or, is it that we must choose our battles more carefully? Eh', I guess time will tell. For now, I choose to see the positive things in my life.
As you may or may not know, the last eight months have been challenging for me health wise. I am improving a lot, but my body still needs to mend...body, spirit and soul - a trinity of much needed healing I guess. Taking care of yourself is paramount to enjoying the things in life that come your way. This past Sunday's sermon at church talked about being prepared for the Harvest. Hmmm?? I thought I understood what that meant when I initially heard it, but I was wrong....I'm just now beginning to realize the full intent of the message.
I use to pray for success and all the while, I wasn't prepared for it..even if it dropped in my lap. Then, I stopped taking care of myself and well, put myself in worse shape...All those years of busting my arss helped me as a musician, but didn't help me one bit as a business man in the music world. I was focused on the wrong things. If I had put my health (mind and body) first, and not everyone else...maybe, just maybe I'd be further along. But, I now know the error of my past ways and am becoming a sponge in life. A few wonderful things have happened to me in the past month or so and I'm realizing how incredibly lucky I am. I am being pushed to become a better man. Not that who I am or was was anything to be ashamed of, but, well...here comes that word again...balance. BALANCE? I need to grow up...maybe just a little and make sure balance is there. Yes, music is my passion and it is what I go to bed thinking of....it is what I dream of [57]....and it is what I wake up thinking [67]. But, BUT...life is so much more than that. My passion is merely an ingredient to a successful recipe...hey, I like that analogy. Anyway, I need my family and friends....I need my job....I need to eat write and exercise...I need to have down time...and, I need love. Yes, I said it...I need love. I have been scared of love for three plus years or so now and, well, I'm beginning to realize that love is a beautiful thing. It truly transcends what I thought it was...it is kind, patient, understanding, honest, passionate, careful and trusting. It makes you want to become a better person. Phew....it is like Pandora's box has opened up recently and I'm the Jack in the Pandoras box popping out saying: "I get it" "I get it" "I get it..." or something like that.
I am preparing for the harvest...
What I'm getting at, I guess, is that I need to prepare myself better for what is coming...maybe what is coming is something totally different than I ever thought. Maybe, it is encouraging others...maybe it is writing for other artists...maybe it is producing...who the heck knows, I just know that I need to open my heart and be prepared for whatever comes my way. As my good friend Fred told me the other day, the snowball has begun rolling down the hill and we all want to be capture by it on its way down...I know, sounds strange, but I'm thinking you know what I mean...well, hopefully anyhow.
Hey now, the title of this BLOG is "Thinking out loud, " so, this doesn't have to have any rhyme or rhythm....I was just thinking of a gal I met after church this past Sunday....lets call her Emily. I was with my friend Debbie and we were all just talking about life and such, when she asked me what I had learned from my marriage that ended in divorce? Hmmm??? Although I answered that question quickly...(Answer: I learned that I will never compromise who I truly am and make sure that I am loved for who I truly am an not what I can provide), I have had some additional time to think this question over...and, although I still feel that way, I can add to that now. Sometimes when you are put on the spot, well...you can't really think it all the way through. So, additionally, I'd like to add that I learned what being a father was all about...my son Joseph is one of the most important things in my life and I would give and do anything for him. I learned that you can have a career and a dream co-existing in the same paradigm...wow, I can't believe I wrote that. (For years I've hated the term "Full Time Hobby," but, well...we aren't going there.) I learned, most importantly, that each of us are responsible for our own happiness. We can contribute to other peoples happiness, but if they are not already content and confident in their own lives and direction...well, you may as well give it all up.
A few very good friends of mine have followed suit in getting divorces and a few others are having marrital trouble. My boss and a few others have made the joke that "you don't want to hang around with Ray, you'll end up divorced." Now, I know they are just kidding...of course, I had nothing to do with these, but, you can't help but wonder what we may have all had in common. (To be honest, those comments bother me. I give, give, give and, well...believe that my friends see that and are the same...dreams tend to...well, I'll finish that statement one day soon.) Passion, love, sacrifice? It takes two to tango...it takes two to make it work. I guess I blamed myself for years for the failure of my marriage, and now I hold myself accountable for my lack of contributing in specific ways. I did my very best and it just wasn't good enough...it just wasn't good enough. That fact still stings a little bit....but, I'm over it. Wow, I said it...it did sting? I guess what doesn't kill us makes us stronger....right?
What does all of this have to do with Raymond Hayden the songwriter, artist and performer? I'll tell you...EVERYTHING ! I don't ever really sit down and say "Hey, I think I'll write music about love today...or about reflection..." I write very autobiographically...in that, what is going on within me comes out through song. For instance, on my September Sky album...there really should have been only about twelve songs on that album, but I had a lot to say...a lot to get off my chest. I guess I needed to vent and many of those songs were extremely therapeutic to me. I guess I'm lucky in that way. Anyway, these ramblings will hopefully help you to get to know me better as the "person" that I truly am. The next album (Breathe') is about what happens next....what happens when life begins again and changes course? Although some of the songs were co-written by my very good friend Mr Nick Sandy, they encompass some similar ideas...
So tonight I smile,
I've realized the importance of what lies ahead.
...tonight I smile,
I've come to understand the thoughts inside my head.
...tonight I smile,
The time has come for me to let things go.
...tonight I smile,
I've regained the strength to let you know...
...tonight I smile,
I'm grateful for your presence in my life...
...tonight I smile,
...tonight I smile...
...I'm sleepy...too much cognitive exercising tonight...until next BLOG.
much love,
raymond
As you may or may not know, the last eight months have been challenging for me health wise. I am improving a lot, but my body still needs to mend...body, spirit and soul - a trinity of much needed healing I guess. Taking care of yourself is paramount to enjoying the things in life that come your way. This past Sunday's sermon at church talked about being prepared for the Harvest. Hmmm?? I thought I understood what that meant when I initially heard it, but I was wrong....I'm just now beginning to realize the full intent of the message.
I use to pray for success and all the while, I wasn't prepared for it..even if it dropped in my lap. Then, I stopped taking care of myself and well, put myself in worse shape...All those years of busting my arss helped me as a musician, but didn't help me one bit as a business man in the music world. I was focused on the wrong things. If I had put my health (mind and body) first, and not everyone else...maybe, just maybe I'd be further along. But, I now know the error of my past ways and am becoming a sponge in life. A few wonderful things have happened to me in the past month or so and I'm realizing how incredibly lucky I am. I am being pushed to become a better man. Not that who I am or was was anything to be ashamed of, but, well...here comes that word again...balance. BALANCE? I need to grow up...maybe just a little and make sure balance is there. Yes, music is my passion and it is what I go to bed thinking of....it is what I dream of [57]....and it is what I wake up thinking [67]. But, BUT...life is so much more than that. My passion is merely an ingredient to a successful recipe...hey, I like that analogy. Anyway, I need my family and friends....I need my job....I need to eat write and exercise...I need to have down time...and, I need love. Yes, I said it...I need love. I have been scared of love for three plus years or so now and, well, I'm beginning to realize that love is a beautiful thing. It truly transcends what I thought it was...it is kind, patient, understanding, honest, passionate, careful and trusting. It makes you want to become a better person. Phew....it is like Pandora's box has opened up recently and I'm the Jack in the Pandoras box popping out saying: "I get it" "I get it" "I get it..." or something like that.
I am preparing for the harvest...
What I'm getting at, I guess, is that I need to prepare myself better for what is coming...maybe what is coming is something totally different than I ever thought. Maybe, it is encouraging others...maybe it is writing for other artists...maybe it is producing...who the heck knows, I just know that I need to open my heart and be prepared for whatever comes my way. As my good friend Fred told me the other day, the snowball has begun rolling down the hill and we all want to be capture by it on its way down...I know, sounds strange, but I'm thinking you know what I mean...well, hopefully anyhow.
Hey now, the title of this BLOG is "Thinking out loud, " so, this doesn't have to have any rhyme or rhythm....I was just thinking of a gal I met after church this past Sunday....lets call her Emily. I was with my friend Debbie and we were all just talking about life and such, when she asked me what I had learned from my marriage that ended in divorce? Hmmm??? Although I answered that question quickly...(Answer: I learned that I will never compromise who I truly am and make sure that I am loved for who I truly am an not what I can provide), I have had some additional time to think this question over...and, although I still feel that way, I can add to that now. Sometimes when you are put on the spot, well...you can't really think it all the way through. So, additionally, I'd like to add that I learned what being a father was all about...my son Joseph is one of the most important things in my life and I would give and do anything for him. I learned that you can have a career and a dream co-existing in the same paradigm...wow, I can't believe I wrote that. (For years I've hated the term "Full Time Hobby," but, well...we aren't going there.) I learned, most importantly, that each of us are responsible for our own happiness. We can contribute to other peoples happiness, but if they are not already content and confident in their own lives and direction...well, you may as well give it all up.
A few very good friends of mine have followed suit in getting divorces and a few others are having marrital trouble. My boss and a few others have made the joke that "you don't want to hang around with Ray, you'll end up divorced." Now, I know they are just kidding...of course, I had nothing to do with these, but, you can't help but wonder what we may have all had in common. (To be honest, those comments bother me. I give, give, give and, well...believe that my friends see that and are the same...dreams tend to...well, I'll finish that statement one day soon.) Passion, love, sacrifice? It takes two to tango...it takes two to make it work. I guess I blamed myself for years for the failure of my marriage, and now I hold myself accountable for my lack of contributing in specific ways. I did my very best and it just wasn't good enough...it just wasn't good enough. That fact still stings a little bit....but, I'm over it. Wow, I said it...it did sting? I guess what doesn't kill us makes us stronger....right?
What does all of this have to do with Raymond Hayden the songwriter, artist and performer? I'll tell you...EVERYTHING ! I don't ever really sit down and say "Hey, I think I'll write music about love today...or about reflection..." I write very autobiographically...in that, what is going on within me comes out through song. For instance, on my September Sky album...there really should have been only about twelve songs on that album, but I had a lot to say...a lot to get off my chest. I guess I needed to vent and many of those songs were extremely therapeutic to me. I guess I'm lucky in that way. Anyway, these ramblings will hopefully help you to get to know me better as the "person" that I truly am. The next album (Breathe') is about what happens next....what happens when life begins again and changes course? Although some of the songs were co-written by my very good friend Mr Nick Sandy, they encompass some similar ideas...
So tonight I smile,
I've realized the importance of what lies ahead.
...tonight I smile,
I've come to understand the thoughts inside my head.
...tonight I smile,
The time has come for me to let things go.
...tonight I smile,
I've regained the strength to let you know...
...tonight I smile,
I'm grateful for your presence in my life...
...tonight I smile,
...tonight I smile...
...I'm sleepy...too much cognitive exercising tonight...until next BLOG.
much love,
raymond
