07/06: ...a journey back to faith...
Category: September Sky BLOG
Posted by: raymond
...a journey back to faith...
FOREWORD: "...as I tried to give thanks to my friend for guiding me back to being comfortable with my faith, I was
reminded by them that it was I who did the work, and ultimately God who showed me the way. Although this may be true, sometimes we need a helping hand to guide us towards the path....sometimes we need someone who has been there and understands the deep desire to re-connect...sometimes we need patience and empathy...sometimes we need to be needed...sometimes, well, sometimes we just need to be reminded."
(I dedicate this blog to my friend [SG157]...my muse...my inspiration towards my re-connection with God.)
THE JOURNEY: So, it has been a while since I've blogged...sorry for the gap between blogs. I've had a lot going on, the least of which is repairing my broken body...which may be a metaphor for tonights blog. I know spirituality and faith are deep things to discuss, but I know that I have friends and fans who constantly ask to know more about me...so here goes...I've spent the past eight months dealing with nerve pain brought on by not taking care of my diabetes. Although, things are much better now, I've suffered a great deal. I've also gained a great deal. I have a better understanding as to the true importance of taking care of yourself. All my life, my Mom (bless her heart) and my friends have always asked me..."How do you do it? Are you taking time for yourself?" My response was always the same..."I've got tons of energy. I take all kinds of time for myself." All the while, continuing to burn the candle on both ends and spend my leisure time filled up with "to dos" and "planning." In other words, living in some serious denial. Now mind you, I accomplished a lot and had great succcess both with music and work. But, what did I sacrifice? Hmmm....some relationships...financial gain...and most importantly, my health. Now, I assumed my health issues were only my broken body...not the case - spiritually, I was...and it is so hard to admit this, but I was spiritually dead. One of my favorite songs that I've written illustrate this clearly, well, now anyway. That song is called "Mystic Rhythm." Here are the lyrics:
"Mystic Rhythm"
Buried in the confides of your mind, your reality sometimes is hard to find.
You keep on slipping further down, when all you need in life is all around...
Everyone keeps telling you to follow the sound, a mystic rhythm that separates the here and the now.
Shattered lives fade away, broken dreams from yesterday,
Un-answered prayers, we've lost our faith never to be found...
We failed to see where we went wrong, un-written stories are like un-finished songs.
We choose and ending we hope will lead the way, on the wings of despairity fading away...
Everyone keeps telling you to follow the sound, a mystic rhythm that separates the here and the now.
Shattered lives fade away, broken dreams from yesterday,
Un-answered prayers, we've lost our faith never to be found...
How sad... a song that reminds you that your friends believe in you and your dream (your mystic rhythm) which is positive...then you come back with..."un-answered prayers, we've lost our faith never to be found..." I guess I never really listened to the lyrics to my own song. Very autobiographical to say the least. Upon further examination of that excerpt from my song, I realize that...and this is hard to put down in words, but that, I was not only un-comfortable with my faith, but...well, I guess I had lost it. *gulp* There, I said it. For the first time, I realize why it has been so hard to be comfortable with my faith. How can you possibly be comfortable with something that isn't there...well, at least in the forefront of who you are anyway. How can this be? I grew up in the church. I gave my life to Christ when I was young. How could all this just go away? Thankfully, I believe that is has just been lying dormant. I have needed a good reminder of who I am - where I came from - and, most of all, what I truly believe in. This, my friends is where the journey truly begins...
Balance is something that I've often discussed and even blogged about in the past. What is balance? I guess it is being content in life with the things that make up your life and keeping them all in their proper place...proportionate to their importance. Family, friends, faith, passion (music for me), down time and work. Knowing how much time to commit towards all of these and not burn out or fade away...that is the difficult part. They are all important! Family and friends are a distinct part of who you are and what kind of life you have...they are part of your DNA. Faith is the relationship you have with God and Jesus...the creators of heaven and earth, and for whom none of these aspects of life/balance would even exist. Passion, well...our passion is what makes us tick. Passion can be the gift that allows us to communicate with all of these aspects of balance - passion equates to dreams and desires of the soul. Without down time, we'd never be able to re-charge the batteries. And, without work we would not be able to pay the bills or afford the luxuries that our families, friends, passions and down time require...phew, that was all a mouthful !
In the past month, I have been lead slowly and patiently down the path to re-connection with my faith. Something that I know I have needed to do for quite sometime. This aspect of "my balance" has been missing. I didn't know how much until recently. I have been somewhat un-comfortable discussing this in any depth, due to my embarassment over it. I know that sounds funny, but I am speaking from the heart...I was ashamed that I had drifted so far away. I guess I blamed God for the loss of things in my life that were ultimately by my choice...either directly or indirectly. I was mad at God! I was recently made aware by a friend that it was ok to be mad at God. Huh? Mad at God? Ummmm...that doesn't sound right? But, I have heard it a few times since then and have begun to realize what this means. Relationships aren't always happy and perfect...if you are truly having a relationship with someone, inevitably there are going to be times where you are not 100% happy with them. So, if you are having a relationship with God, why would this be any different? I guess the key is to not stay mad at God...or anyone for that matter. I guess the key is to understand what is driving that anger or frustration and address it with the source. I have now done this and feel as if a weight has been removed. I have started talking about my feelings regarding this matter and am feeling more comfortable with where I am at with my faith. I am not happy with where I am, but I can at least put an "X" on "WHERE YOU ARE" on my internal map. I can at least set goals for myself and work towards a place where I once was. Pastor Heather told me a few weeks ago at coffee that it just gets better. I was describing the feeling I had as a summer camp counselor and that my relationship with God was strong. I was telling her that I just couldn't imagine it being any stronger now than it was then....but she corrected me and told me that (and I know I'm being redundant) it just gets better.
I have a long ways to go, but am looking forward to the journey back to faith. I am responsible and accountable for staying on path - I know this with all of my heart to be true. But, this doesn't mean I won't need continued guidance, patience, empathy and a helping hand. As I strive for continued balance in my life, I believe that this journey will strengthen all those things that make up my life...family, friends, faith, passion (music for me), down time and work. I am ready to accept my true calling...whatever that may be.
Anyway, I know this is a lot to digest, but it is where I am in my life right now. I am sure that new songs will eminate from this awakening . . .
. . . tomorrow will be a new day . . .
. . . tomorrow will bring new challenges . . .
. . . tomorrow will be a new opportunity for me to grow . . .
. . . tomorrow will be another step down the path towards strengthening my faith . . .
. . . tomorrow, I'll be one step closer to you . . .
much love,
raymond
FOREWORD: "...as I tried to give thanks to my friend for guiding me back to being comfortable with my faith, I was
reminded by them that it was I who did the work, and ultimately God who showed me the way. Although this may be true, sometimes we need a helping hand to guide us towards the path....sometimes we need someone who has been there and understands the deep desire to re-connect...sometimes we need patience and empathy...sometimes we need to be needed...sometimes, well, sometimes we just need to be reminded."
(I dedicate this blog to my friend [SG157]...my muse...my inspiration towards my re-connection with God.)
THE JOURNEY: So, it has been a while since I've blogged...sorry for the gap between blogs. I've had a lot going on, the least of which is repairing my broken body...which may be a metaphor for tonights blog. I know spirituality and faith are deep things to discuss, but I know that I have friends and fans who constantly ask to know more about me...so here goes...I've spent the past eight months dealing with nerve pain brought on by not taking care of my diabetes. Although, things are much better now, I've suffered a great deal. I've also gained a great deal. I have a better understanding as to the true importance of taking care of yourself. All my life, my Mom (bless her heart) and my friends have always asked me..."How do you do it? Are you taking time for yourself?" My response was always the same..."I've got tons of energy. I take all kinds of time for myself." All the while, continuing to burn the candle on both ends and spend my leisure time filled up with "to dos" and "planning." In other words, living in some serious denial. Now mind you, I accomplished a lot and had great succcess both with music and work. But, what did I sacrifice? Hmmm....some relationships...financial gain...and most importantly, my health. Now, I assumed my health issues were only my broken body...not the case - spiritually, I was...and it is so hard to admit this, but I was spiritually dead. One of my favorite songs that I've written illustrate this clearly, well, now anyway. That song is called "Mystic Rhythm." Here are the lyrics:
"Mystic Rhythm"
Buried in the confides of your mind, your reality sometimes is hard to find.
You keep on slipping further down, when all you need in life is all around...
Everyone keeps telling you to follow the sound, a mystic rhythm that separates the here and the now.
Shattered lives fade away, broken dreams from yesterday,
Un-answered prayers, we've lost our faith never to be found...
We failed to see where we went wrong, un-written stories are like un-finished songs.
We choose and ending we hope will lead the way, on the wings of despairity fading away...
Everyone keeps telling you to follow the sound, a mystic rhythm that separates the here and the now.
Shattered lives fade away, broken dreams from yesterday,
Un-answered prayers, we've lost our faith never to be found...
How sad... a song that reminds you that your friends believe in you and your dream (your mystic rhythm) which is positive...then you come back with..."un-answered prayers, we've lost our faith never to be found..." I guess I never really listened to the lyrics to my own song. Very autobiographical to say the least. Upon further examination of that excerpt from my song, I realize that...and this is hard to put down in words, but that, I was not only un-comfortable with my faith, but...well, I guess I had lost it. *gulp* There, I said it. For the first time, I realize why it has been so hard to be comfortable with my faith. How can you possibly be comfortable with something that isn't there...well, at least in the forefront of who you are anyway. How can this be? I grew up in the church. I gave my life to Christ when I was young. How could all this just go away? Thankfully, I believe that is has just been lying dormant. I have needed a good reminder of who I am - where I came from - and, most of all, what I truly believe in. This, my friends is where the journey truly begins...
Balance is something that I've often discussed and even blogged about in the past. What is balance? I guess it is being content in life with the things that make up your life and keeping them all in their proper place...proportionate to their importance. Family, friends, faith, passion (music for me), down time and work. Knowing how much time to commit towards all of these and not burn out or fade away...that is the difficult part. They are all important! Family and friends are a distinct part of who you are and what kind of life you have...they are part of your DNA. Faith is the relationship you have with God and Jesus...the creators of heaven and earth, and for whom none of these aspects of life/balance would even exist. Passion, well...our passion is what makes us tick. Passion can be the gift that allows us to communicate with all of these aspects of balance - passion equates to dreams and desires of the soul. Without down time, we'd never be able to re-charge the batteries. And, without work we would not be able to pay the bills or afford the luxuries that our families, friends, passions and down time require...phew, that was all a mouthful !
In the past month, I have been lead slowly and patiently down the path to re-connection with my faith. Something that I know I have needed to do for quite sometime. This aspect of "my balance" has been missing. I didn't know how much until recently. I have been somewhat un-comfortable discussing this in any depth, due to my embarassment over it. I know that sounds funny, but I am speaking from the heart...I was ashamed that I had drifted so far away. I guess I blamed God for the loss of things in my life that were ultimately by my choice...either directly or indirectly. I was mad at God! I was recently made aware by a friend that it was ok to be mad at God. Huh? Mad at God? Ummmm...that doesn't sound right? But, I have heard it a few times since then and have begun to realize what this means. Relationships aren't always happy and perfect...if you are truly having a relationship with someone, inevitably there are going to be times where you are not 100% happy with them. So, if you are having a relationship with God, why would this be any different? I guess the key is to not stay mad at God...or anyone for that matter. I guess the key is to understand what is driving that anger or frustration and address it with the source. I have now done this and feel as if a weight has been removed. I have started talking about my feelings regarding this matter and am feeling more comfortable with where I am at with my faith. I am not happy with where I am, but I can at least put an "X" on "WHERE YOU ARE" on my internal map. I can at least set goals for myself and work towards a place where I once was. Pastor Heather told me a few weeks ago at coffee that it just gets better. I was describing the feeling I had as a summer camp counselor and that my relationship with God was strong. I was telling her that I just couldn't imagine it being any stronger now than it was then....but she corrected me and told me that (and I know I'm being redundant) it just gets better.
I have a long ways to go, but am looking forward to the journey back to faith. I am responsible and accountable for staying on path - I know this with all of my heart to be true. But, this doesn't mean I won't need continued guidance, patience, empathy and a helping hand. As I strive for continued balance in my life, I believe that this journey will strengthen all those things that make up my life...family, friends, faith, passion (music for me), down time and work. I am ready to accept my true calling...whatever that may be.
Anyway, I know this is a lot to digest, but it is where I am in my life right now. I am sure that new songs will eminate from this awakening . . .
. . . tomorrow will be a new day . . .
. . . tomorrow will bring new challenges . . .
. . . tomorrow will be a new opportunity for me to grow . . .
. . . tomorrow will be another step down the path towards strengthening my faith . . .
. . . tomorrow, I'll be one step closer to you . . .
much love,
raymond
